Difference between revisions of "Talk:Chiang kai-shek"
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(Created page with 'Hi, you need to put more references in the text itself, like "(Furuya 9-10)". Please also add more cited works. ~~~~') |
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Hi, you need to put more references in the text itself, like "(Furuya 9-10)". Please also add more cited works. [[User:Root|Root]] 13:48, 20 October 2011 (UTC) | Hi, you need to put more references in the text itself, like "(Furuya 9-10)". Please also add more cited works. [[User:Root|Root]] 13:48, 20 October 2011 (UTC) | ||
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| + | I like the "voice" of your article. The writing would be stronger though if you didn't use so many passive sentences. | ||
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| + | For example, right at the beginning you start out with "I am a great warrior." Terrific! a nice strong sentence. Then you write "I ''have'' fought countless battles." Not as strong a sentence. Active verbs are better than "have" verbs. ''"I '''fought''' countless battles. I '''sought''' to honestly deal with..."'' | ||
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| + | Ditch the passives and you have a really nice article. I look forward to your presentation [[User:Dekeo|Dekeo]] 21:20, 21 October 2011 (UTC) | ||
Latest revision as of 23:20, 21 October 2011
Hi, you need to put more references in the text itself, like "(Furuya 9-10)". Please also add more cited works. Root 13:48, 20 October 2011 (UTC)
I like the "voice" of your article. The writing would be stronger though if you didn't use so many passive sentences.
For example, right at the beginning you start out with "I am a great warrior." Terrific! a nice strong sentence. Then you write "I have fought countless battles." Not as strong a sentence. Active verbs are better than "have" verbs. "I fought countless battles. I sought to honestly deal with..."
Ditch the passives and you have a really nice article. I look forward to your presentation Dekeo 21:20, 21 October 2011 (UTC)