Cixi

I have never thought of myself as a woman. When I was first presented to the emperor as a concubine, I knew I was being given an opportunity to rewrite my fate; the chance to ascend to my proper place as the only power under heaven. I had everyone address me as if I was a man, and even required my adopted son Guanxu to call me "father" for that was what I was to him (Liu 151). I could not care for and tenderly nurture Guanxu as a mother should,I had to guide him with the hard hand of a father so he would understand that his place was beneath me.Would I had been born a man. You can have no idea how many times I have had this thought. I thought it the first night I was presented to the emperor Xianfeng, the day I was forced to rid China of my worthless son, and one day before my death when I ordered my adoptive son poisoned so that he wouldn't further corrupt and erode my beautiful empire in my absence. If I had not been born a wretched woman, I would not have had to bloody my hands so. If I had been born to my rightful role as emperor, I would not have had to watch as one impeccable fool after another wrought disaster upon China. If I had only been born a man, China would have joined together to successfully vanquished the Western threats and the emperors of China would now be ruling on high over the whole world as is our right, as would have been our destiny.

I was born on Nov. 29, 1835 to a distinguished Manchu lineage, the Nehonala clan, though my father was only a minor official (Perkins 93). Even as I child, I had been discontent with my position in life, so when I was named a consort of the emperor Xianfeng in 1851 at the age of 16 (Perkins 93), I gladly accepted it as an escape from the drudgery of my current life. I ascended through the ranks of Kianfeng’s consorts until I became a favorite in 1856 for having born him his only living son, Tongzhi (Perkins 93). However, ascending to the rank of empress dowager was no easy task as I soon discovered. I did not find palace fife as exciting as I had expected. I enjoyed the luxuries that the palace had to offer (I have to research about luxuries), but the life was decidedly dull. I was kept even more out of sight than I had been at my family's household. The emperor didn't take much notice of his newest concubine for a long time. I decided that it was best to use my long hours of boredom to their best advantage and I studied diligently the arts of calligraphy and painting until I became remarkably adept at them (Pakula 40). When the emperor finally noticed my beauty and talents, I worked doubly hard to be pleasing to him, and my efforts payed off almost immediately. I love the theater exceedingly, and have always prided myself that I was able to act as well as anyone I saw on the stage;“I can make people hate me worse than poison, and I can also make them love me. I have the power” (Perkins 18). All of China was my stage, and it was simple work to act my way into the emperors good graces for the he had a simple mind and was an exceptionally easy audience to read. Seeing that I showed great interest in in his affairs, the emperor readily allowed me to read official documents and discussed his most important policy matters with me. It was thus that I became highly literate and knowledgeable about the ways of government, and thus that I became even more unsatisfied with my meager role. I began to take a more active role in state affairs and realized how much more suitable I was to rule than so many of the inept officials that the emperor kept by his side. China had been steadily falling into a state of dispensary. (List wars and revolts) I could not understand why officials were allowing Westerners to cross into our empire with their foreign religions and taint filled ideas to corrupt our people. This is not to say that I was not interested in the many wonders that the West had to offer. At some point right under the sleeping noses of the Manchu officials, countries such as Britain and the United States had surpassed us in technology. I saw the opportunity to utilize Western technology and to surpass it. After constant visits to the emperor's chambers, my efforts finally came into fruition. When I felt the baby in my womb, I began to hatch a scheme around that small life. I prayed to my ancestors every day that it might be a son so that it will be heir to the throne. I prayed that this infant would be the means through which I could unify China once more.With grand visions forming in my mind, I waited patiently through the troubles and annoyances of pregnancy. When the baby was finally born and pronounced a boy, I cried for joy: I was to be free from my frustration at last. Or so I thought; life is never that simple and many hurdles would arise before I could assume the throne. My son was called Tongzhi and I was able to convince the emperor to name him the legal successor to the throne at the age of six (Pakula 41). I was promoted to the rank of Noble Consort Yi , second only to the empress (Citation), though I was prized by the emperor more than the empress Cian because I had done what she could not.

China was crumbling pitiably under Xianfeng's rule.He could not even quell the Taiping Rebellion which was lead by a madman who claimed to be some sort of Western God, and the rebellion stretched on from 1850-1864 (Paludan 209). In 1860, during the Second Opium War, I was even forced to flee with my Emperor from our Summer Palace in Beijing to our summer resort in Jehol because of an attack from British and French troops (Paludan 209). The humiliation from the capture of Beijing, coupled with his cowardly flight left Xianfeng to embarrassed to return to the capital or even speak with his own officials(Paludan 209). The emperor died in 1861(Perkins 93), and I prepared for the new role that I was to play without an emperor to rule over me. Before died, he made his 8 most conservative advisors joint regents over my son, Tongzhi, and I was given the rank of the empress dowager(Perkins 93). I conspired to gain power with Prince Gong, and successfully arrested the 8 regents standing in my way, executing 3 of them(Perkins 93). I became co-regent with the legitimate wife of Xianfeng, empress consort Cian(Perkins 93). Cian was ignorant about anything concerning the state and could neither read nor write, so she was only to happy to leave state affairs to me (Pakula 41). I left the state affairs to Prince Gong and Li Hongzhang (Perkins 93). Li Hongzhang was trustworthy but I was forced to dismiss Prince Gong in 1884 (Perkins 94).(I will go in to greater detail about all of this)

I had few friends in courts, but I was very fond of my head eunuch, Li Lianying, who was a special friend(Citation). Li Lianying came at a time when I was in deep distress because none of my eunuchs could comb and style my hair properly. Like a gift from heaven, Li offered to style my hair and when I looked in the mirror, not a hair was out of place. I never had a bad hair day while Li Lianying was by my side. I once set caged birds free in the Summer Palace, but they flew back to their cage. I asked Li Lianying why they returned and he replied, "Of course, it is due to your benevolence." I thought that Li Lianying was joking so he told me to set fish free in Kunming Lake, saying, "If the fish declined to leave, it will prove this." I did as he said and to my surprise, the all the fish returned. I later discovered that Li Lianying put aromatic food in the water and didn’t feed the fish for several days(Citation). Some say that Li Lianying was simply flattering me, but he was one man who treated me well. So many looked at me with scorn and said that I was acting above my station as a woman; that I was only a consort. Even if it was only flattery, who cares as long as he did it well? Li Lianying treated me well, so I rewarded him with much power over my court. Li Lianying Lianying cared so much for my wellbeing that he encouraged me to reconstruct the Summer Palace and grand marble boat for lake-viewing(Citation). The other men at court would have had me go without simply because the money was supposed to be used in military endeavors(Citation). Why couldn’t they realize as Li Lianying did that the troubles in my empire distressed me far more than it did them and the palace was a great comfort to me.

Tongzhi was a natural hedonist, a trait that I fear he inherited from myself. He would amuse himself with the eunuchs and would often visit various brothels in a clumsily made disguise(paludan 212). I admit to encouraging my son a little in his childish outings. As long as Tongzhi was happily occupied within the confines of the palace with his drink and playthings, I was free to enact my policies without an undo amount of interference. The time came when it was expected that Tongzhi should wed and produce an heir, so in 1872, I chose from the most suitable Manchu lineages, a young bride by the name of Alute (Perkins 93). I knew that my regency would end when my son married, so I had hoped to find Alute a malleable figure, but to my dismay, she began to have an increasingly powerful influence over Tongzhi's mind and he began to defy me. Tongzhi contracted smallpox, and knowing that he as already in ill health from his interminable drinking of alcohol and from venereal disease which he had contracted from his frequent visits to the brothels as well as from his many eunuch friends(would Cixi have had any idea about venereal disease?) (Paludan 212), I began to search for an heir in the event that Tongzhi's weak constitution lead him to fall prey to a disease that killed so many.It wasn't long before my eyed rested on my nephew,Guanxu, who was the son of my sister and Xianfeng's brother(Paludan 213). Guanxu was not even 4 years old (Paludan 213), so if he were installed on the throne, I would regain my position as regent. I had already constructed a China with me as regent, so it disturbed me when I heard that, despite the odds, my son was beginning to recover(Paludan 213). This was just like Tongzhi; pretending to bend to my will, then stabbing me in the back. Having tasted the sweet juice of leadership once, I could not allow the second cup to be wrenched from my grasp having only sniffed its sweet spice. I had Tongzhi poisoned (Paludan 213). It was written in the records that Tongzhi had tragically died of smallpox in 1875, at the age of 19, and I didn't mind when the rumor circulated that the real cause of his premature death was exhaustion from a life of overindulgence, for it was in no small way true(Perkins 93).

My selection of Guanxu as heir didn't pass without opposition because daughter-in-law was pregnant(Paludan 213). I was met with further oppostion on the grounds that because Guanxu was of the same generation as Tongzhi, he wouldn't be able to perform the various duties of ancestor worship necessary to bring Tongzhi's soul to rest (Perkins 93). I was able to convince the officials to accept Guanxu as heir by assuring them that Guanxu's eventual son would be named true heir to the throne and he would perform the filial duties due to Tongzhi (Courtauld & Holdsworth 125). I could not let any child of Alute ascend the throne, so I persuaded her to commit suicide by eating gold dust two month after Tongzhi's death (Pakula 41). I knew that her death such a short period after Tongzhi's would incite suspicion, but she was a cunning and spiteful girl and I could not risk her bearing a son and usurping my power.

Guanxu came of age in 1866 but I did not give up my regency until he married in 1889 (Perkins 93). Even then, I was able to maintain some control, due more to the fact that Guanxu dared not defy me than to any real claim I had to the power. I made decisions and appointments which my nephew couldn’t veto and I read all of his official documents (Perkins 93, . You must understand that neither Guanxu, nor Tongzhi was as fit to rule as I. Guanxu especially, was afraid of me. It was my intention that my adopted son live in proper awe of my presence, but it was quite amusing at times how much he quaked in fear as a child and how he hid behind the skirts of his nursemaids whenever he was in my presence as if I were some ravenous animal come to tear him to shreads (Paludan 213-214)I wonder if I really had such a hungered look on my face as I looked down on him, envying his birthright and planning how to best claim it for my own. Guanxu grew no better as he aged. He was a mere chronically ill wisp of a man with a voice that was ‘light and thin like a mosquito,’and I believe that he never quite got over his dread of me(Paludan 213-214). They had not the temperament, nor the talents to rule a great nation under constant threat. Being faced with such a pathetic excuse for an emperor, I could not give up my power willingly. I had studied law for much longer and had amassed more experience than Quanxu or Tongzhi, and I was doing only what I saw as necessary in order to protect the empire I held so dear. More and more, foreign forces were threatening my great empire, especially the states that traditionally brought tribute to China. France took control of the vassal state of Vietnam, and an ever advancing Japan took over Burma and Ryukyu Islands, and then proceeded to conquer Korea, Port Arthur, Taiwan, and the Pescadore Islands (Perkins 94). In 1898, Guanxu issued a foolish set of progressive edicts based on the Japanese model of modernization in what is called the 100 day reform(Citation). I had been waiting quietly in the Summer Palace, pretending to support the emperor in his many reforms, but his extreme and progressive actions began to greatly alarm me at the degree to which they would weaken the Qing government(Perkins18-20). Guanxu, ever anxious about my interference, ordered me arrested and imprisoned (Perkins 20). However, he trusted the wrong man. General Yuan Shikai, the agent whom he entrusted with the order was in fact a loyal pawn of mine (Perkins 20). I reversed Guanxu's thwarted plan on him; eunuchs captured the emperor in his chambers and escorted him to the Ocean Terrace, and island in a lake near the Forbidden City (Perkins 20). I quickly and decisively proceeded to arrest and execute the officials responsible for the corruption of the emperors mind, and within five days, I had revoked all of the edicts that Guanxu had tried to put in place (Schoppa 44). I rewarded Yuan Shikai for his usefulness in this affair by giving him governorship of the province of Shandong (Perkins 94).

I had an edict sent out an declaring that I would resume my regency do to the emperors ill health (Perkins 20). This edict and knowledge of the coup caused many rumors to circulate in China and abroad that the emperor had been executed (Perkins 20). Some Western governments threatened that they would act against us if the emperor were executed, going so far as to insist that a doctor be allowed to see Guanxu so as to ascertain his state of health. I acquiesed to this request nut the people were outraged at the audacity of the foreigners and so several anti-foreign riots broke out (Perkins 20). I admit that my mind had begun to process the idea that Guanxu had become more of a nuisance than an asset. I had perhaps been too sluggish in reaching this conclusion, no doubt do to some foolish attachment I felt towards Guanxu because he was my own flesh and blood and my adopted son. At last having reached the decision to terminate the barrier to China's restoration, I could not let anyone deter me from my path. I had the windows in Guanxu's chambers walled off(Paludan 214), and waited patiently for the foreign states to forget about his existence and move on with their own affairs.

China was growing weaker because of rapidly expanding European influences. Foreign missionaries came in great numbers to convert my people so that even the emperor himself began to be corrupted(Citation). My love for my people and our traditions lead me to take a step that I had been hesitant in taking: I lent my support to a secret society called the Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists or the Boxers(Citation). This society practiced martial arts and claimed to have super natural powers that would make them resistant even to guns and cannons. They were determined to restore China to its former glory, free of foreign taint, and hearing that the voices of my people were behind them, I gave my consent in 1898 to what is now called the Boxer Rebellion(Citation). Unfortunately, China had fallen too far already and I was forced to flee from the western troops with Guanxu to a temporary capital in Xi’an(Paludan 214). Guanxu resisted my orders for him to flee disguised as a peasant. When I discovered that his difiance was brought about by the urging of his favored lover the Pear Concubine, I had the girl thrown into a well(Paludan 214). I understood my nephew; he always needed someone to rely on, and with the source of his borrowed power gone, he quickly gave in to his long held fear of me, and reverted to his malleable self. When I saw that the battles were not going in our favor, I decided it was best to live to fight another day and signed the Boxer Protocol which forced China to pay a great indemnity of 200 Million ounces of silver, placed a ban on the making of armaments, punished many for war crimes, stopped the imperial examinations, forced the lease of land for mines and railways, among other demands (Perkins 95, Pakula 43). I was then able to return to the capital and continue my reign in 1902, although I had to reenact many reforms that I had abolished (Perkins 95). With the examination system gone, many western-style schools were built, and many of my citizens went to study in America(Perkins 95). I was disappointing with the state of the empire which I had inherited on the verge of death. I wished that I could have been born in one of the many thousands of years of prosperity that China has enjoyed. In spite of everything, I pushed on; I have always been adaptable, not like Xianfeng or either of my sons who allowed themselves to lose to their despair, and so I began to play the foreigners' game, confident that I could still manage to come out on top. Unfortunately, my body was beginning to fail me. The body that had once been so young, so beautiful, so full of life, was now old, lined, and feeble. Oh how I wished to turn back the clock. I knew that this was one scheme that no matter how hard I planned, could not succeed. But even if I could not be victorious, I could at least make it so that I was not the only one defeated. I could never stand losing, so I turned my thoughts to my final enemy, and hatched my final scheme. Guanxu must die. Guanxu's death didn't need any planning, it was as simple as waving one of my faithful servants over to my bedside and telling them to poison the emperor,and it was done. Guanxu died of arsenic poisoning at the age 36 in November 1908 (Arsenic). Game set and match.

I died of a stroke at the age of 73, one day after my nephew’s death (Paludan 216). Before I died, I selected my grand-nephew, the 2 years and 10 month old Puyi as the successor to the throne(Citation). In 2008, some so called scientists discovered that Guanxu died of arsenic poisoning and accused me of having murdered him; knowing of my imminent death and fearing that he would continue his progressive reforms when I was no longer there to interfere(Citation).

Sources Cited

"Arsenic Killed Chinese Emperoro, Reports Say."CNN WORLD. 4 Nov. 2008. 2 Oct. 2011. <http://articles.cnn.com/2008-11-04/world/china.emperor_1_arsenic-poisoning-arsenic-levels-china-central-television?_s=PM:WORLD>.

Courtauld, Caroline , & May Holdsworth. The Forbidden City: The Great Within. London: Frances Lincoln Ltd, 2008.

Liu, Lydia. The Clash of Empires: The Invention of China in Modern World Making. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2004.

Pakula Hannah. The last empress: Madame Chiang Kai-Shek and the birth of modern China. New York: Simon and Schuster, 2009.

Paludan, Ann. Chronicle of the Chinese Emerors. New York: Thames &Hudson Inc., 1998.

Perkins, Dorothy. Encyclopedia of China: The Essential Reference to China, Its History and Culture. New York: Round Table Press Inc., 1999.

Schoppa, R. Keith. The Columbia Guide to Modern Chinese History. New York: Columbia University Press, 2000.