Han Feizi
HAN FEI TZU
Master Han Fei
I am Han Fei Tzu, Tzu (子, meaning "Master"). They called me Master Han Fei. I am the last of the great Legalist philosophers that heavily influenced China between 551 and 233 B.C. Some call me the only "nobleman" among the early Chinese Legalist philosophers. I am more noble than Confucius. I am more noble than Mencius. I am more noble than all. I was a prince of the royal family of the state of Han.
My Birth
I was born about 280 B.C. according to your primitive Gregorian calendar. I tended to have a stuttering problem, so they told me, though I don't really remember ever being imperfect. In fact, I was so perfect that I never felt the need to keep a journal. The records of my existence were recorded by the historian Ssu-ma Ch'ien. I never met Ssu-ma Chi'en, but I see he too liked the duck face profile pic. He was born after I died. But I like the way he told my story. Although, I wish he described me as taller, and more studly, more like Dwayne Johnson, maybe.
My Schooling
I studied around southern Shantung around 250 B.C. I studied under the Confucian philosopher Hsun Tzu. I'm more noble than him. He taught me about Confucius, who I am also more noble than. But he also taught me that men are wild and evil, until they are educated not to be. I had a friend who was also a classmate named Li Si. He was not nearly as smart as me. But I befriended him, and helped him become wise. Then he was not not nearly as smart as me. After I helped Li Si become not not nearly as smart as me, he went on to become a prime minister to King Zhang of Ch'in, and all because of my help.
My Rivals, The Ch'ins
The Ch'ins were an upcoming gang. They started to be pretty powerful. But I stuck with my homies, the Hans. I served under King An of the Hans. I was a Han for life. Being a noble philosopher, as I am, I couldn't help noticing that my king was not nearly as smart as me. So naturally, I tried to persuade him to be not not nearly as smart as me, but he just kept saying that I can't speak well. It seemed like no one wanted to listen to my perfect advice. So I finally decided to write books.
My Books
I wrote a series of books so that everyone could hear my perfect advice. I wrote "The Five Vermin," and "The Difficulties of Persuasion." But most importantly, my most noteworthy book had the most important and best title I could ever possibly think of, "The Han Fei Tzu." I mean, who wouldn't want to read a book with my name on the cover, right? My books were about Legalism.
My Thoughts on Legalism
My theory was that rulers could firmly control their state by using these three things: -Shi, their position of power (勢, Shì), -Shu, persuasive techniques (術, Shù), -Fa, strict laws (法, Fǎ).
See, people are naturally evil and always try to avoid punishment, while trying to gain as much as possible to benefit themselves. Because men are so stupid and evil, naturally, it's best if the law severely punishes them for their mistakes, like, for example:
1. The punishment for stealing another man's mule... should be death. 2. The punishment for breaking another man's wheel barrow... should be death. 3. The punishment for residential solicitation... should be death.
I mean, doesn't that make perfect sense? I just can't see why the kings wouldn't institute my laws the very minute they heard it.
My Diplomacy
Anyway, one day the King of Ch'in launched a declaration of war on my people, the Han dynasty. My King, King An of Han sent me, the wise Han Fei, to the King Zheng of Ch'in, to perhaps negotiate. Now, my King, King An may have been not nearly as smart as me, but at least he knew that I, Han Fei, would be a good negotiator. So I went to King Zheng of Ch'in, and he liked me a lot. He even invited me to play Chinese checkers and drink sawkeh. But then Li Si came.
My New Frenemy
Remember Li Ssu, my classmate? He became my frenemy. He encouraged King Zheng of Ch'in not to listen to me. Can you believe that? So King Zheng of Ch'in decided to go ahead and attack my people in the Han dynasty anyway, in 234 B.C. And no, we did not drink sawkeh and play Chinese Checkers. But I would have won.
My Return Visit to my Han King
So I went back to my King. My King An of Han said, "What news from Ch'in?" And I told him, "The King Zheng of Ch'in intends to attack us no matter what I say." And King An of Han said, "What? This is terrible. Go back to him and try to persuade him against attacking us. We will otherwise perish." So, in the following year, 233 B.C. I followed the council of my King, and went back to King Zheng of Ch'in.
My Return to the Ch'in
Believe it or not, King Zheng of Ch'in was glad to see me! He said, "My homie! Han Fei! What's up?! We still haven't played Chinese Checkers and drank sawkeh yet!" But then my frenemy, Li Si, came up to King Zheng of Ch'in and said to him, "Han Fei Tzu's allegiance lies with the Han Dynasty. He will try to deter you from taking your rightful place as King over all the land." And then before I had a chance to respond, King Zheng of Ch'in put me in jail.
MY DEATH!
Before King Zheng had a chance to consider my freedom, my frienemy Li Si delivered poison to my cell, and I was instructed to drink it. I supposed it was an order from King Zheng. And I'm Chinese, so I always follow orders. It's the principle of the matter. So I drank the poison. And I died. After that, I heard that King Zheng of Ch'ien became ruler of all the land. In the year 221 B.C., just about 12 years after I died, he became the first Emperor of the Ch'in Dynasty, over all of China. But ever since the day I died by poison, I raise my fist in the air and I curse the name of my frenemy Li Si for eternally damning me from that pleasant game of Chinese checkers and sawkeh.
And that's my story.
WORKS CITED
"Han Fei Tzu: Basic Writings." Burton Watson. New York. Columbia University Press. 1964
���http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/253934/Han-Feizi���