Being Polite in Chinese Society- some "Do's" and "Don'ts"
Introduction- Politeness pays
American's are often very casual in their interpersonal interactions. The Chinese, by comparison, are far more restrained- more formal, by American standards. When interacting with someone from China, it always safe to be as respectful as you know how to be, to "put on your company manners" as it were.
- Bows
In America, when you are introduced to someone you will expect to shake their hand. This is also acceptable in China (especially if you are a Westerner- they know the Western custom), but don't be surprised if the handshake is accompanied by a slight bow. In the old days, it was customary to show your respect for the other person by bowing to them.
Gifts- Giving and receiving
Gifts are one way to show your appreciation for someone or for something they have done for you. Following are some "Do's" and "Don'ts" about gifts and gift giving.
Do:
- use red or gold wrapping (symbolizes good luck)
- give pairs (even numbers symbolize good luck)
- reciprocate (if you get a gift- give one of greater value back)- this is very important to remember!
Don't:
- give a "paired" gift to a sick person (doubled misfortune)
- open the gift in front of the giver (It is considered rude)
- give "unlucky" items such as:
-Handkerchief (good-bye forever)
-Scissors/knife (want to "cut" the relationship)
-Umbrella (break up)Humus 15:22, 4 December 2012 (UTC)
-Clock, as a birthday gift (in Chinese this sounds like "bury parents")
-Jasmine or plum blossoms to a businessman (In Chinese these words sound like the words for unlucky business events)
Visiting
Remember, it pays to be extra polite (by American standards). Here are some "Do's" and "Don'ts" for when visiting, or being visited.
Do:
- Offer your guest tea- give a 3/4 full cup with both hands (one hand under the cup, one hand holding it)
- Accept the tea- receive with both hands and take a few sips even if you are not thirsty. (see the "Don'ts" for what to do if you don't drink tea)
- Accept gifts if offered by your guest- or bring a gift if you are the visitor (good gifts are- foodstuffs/fruit, cloth, Handicrafts, cash ("red packet")
- Ask your guests to stay longer (or to visit again)
- Accompany them to the door
- Watch them leave
Don't:
- Refuse the offer of tea (although it is OK to request a cup of hot water "White Tea", if you don't drink tea)
- Refuse an offered gift (DON'T embarrass your guests)
- Open the gift in front of the giver (DON'T embarrass your guest)
- (Hosts) don't turn your back and go inside right after you say goodbye (it's rude)
Eating out- Banquets
Expect to be invited to eat out, it is a common way for the Chinese to get to know you. Unless you know them very well, it is rude to "talk business" at dinner- the goal is to get to know you- business can come later. Here are some "Do's" and "Don'ts" for eating out.
Do:
- Hand out invitations when inviting them to dinner (respect your guests)
- Wait for your host to seat you
- Remember, politeness counts!
Don't:
- Take the best seat, unless directed there (the guest of honor faces the main door and is seated to the right of the host)
- Hit your empty bowl with your chopsticks
- Stick your chopsticks upright in your rice (signifies that this food is an offering to the dead)
- Reach over another person for food (be polite)
- Let you chopsticks hover over the food on the table while you decide what you want to eat. Be polite. Use the serving chopsticks (if there are any) and not your own pair, to pick up food from a central plate.
Miscellaneous
Here are some other tips for polite (according to the Chinese) behavior.
Do:
- If you are attending a funeral? Do wear somber color clothing.
- For a Birthday? A gift of wine symbolizes long life. Don't cut the longevity noodles.
- Gifts for a Birth? Good gifts: red packet (cash), baby food, jewelry, articles for everyday use
- Red packets (red envelopes with space to include some money) are always acceptable as gifts-
Don't:
- Don't ask new acquaintances personal questions such as: how old are you? how much do you make?
- Don't point at people (like Americans do, with one finger), use full hand and gesture in their direction
- Don't call out "hey!" Address the person by name, or, better yet, title.
- Don't insult someone (as in calling a fat person a "pig.")
Remember...Courtesy counts.
It is better to be too formal than too casual in your relationships.
If in doubt, follow their lead; your Chinese associates know the "proper" way to behave.
Works Cited
Fu Chunjiang, Asiapac (January 31, 2003)